by Glenn I. Hitchcock
The woman was divorced for three
years. The marriage lasted for over a quarter of a century. One day the husband
returned home, announced to his wife that he did not love her any more. The
husband sued for divorce and promptly departed. It took all of less than
fifteen minutes - barely half a minute for each year they had been married.
In so many cases the key reason [excuse]
given for ending a marriage is “I don’t
love you anymore.” Or “I don’t have
any feeling for you.” This excuse is regarded by many as adequate for a
divorce court! Some of these marital tragedies occur in families that are
already troubled. But a surprising number come in homes where the relationship
between spouses was very favorable to happiness and longevity. But when “I don’t love you anymore” surfaces, the
relationship often heads for a downward and selfish ending.
It is extremely difficult to adequately
express the tragedy of the “I don’t love
you anymore” attitude. When a spouse
seeks to undo that which God has joined, it is viewed by God, regardless of
society’s view, as a sinful tragedy (Mal. 2:16). Recall the words of the Lord
Jesus “Wherefore
they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together,
let not man put asunder” (Matt. 19:6).
What
Is Love?
Difficulty often results from a distorted
definition of the word love. If we
have a faulty understanding of the kind of love that makes a marriage we will
end marriages for wrong and misunderstood reasons. There are several kinds of
love.
First, there is friendship. Hopefully, mates are
rooted in friendship. Friendship should be a part of the drawing power that
established the male and female. But few
marriages are made just because of friendship. And one can be certain that “I don’t love you anymore” does not mean
“I am not your friend anymore.”
Affection is another form of love. As with
friendship, affection was probably part of the reason a couple married and may
remain part of the relationship. But affection is not the basic love which
produces successful marriages. “I don’t love you anymore” does not
connote “I have no more affection for you.”
A third kind of love is “eros,” it is the root of the more familiar “erotic” love. This concept
includes romantic love. It is that attraction between man and woman which is
sexual, in the largest sense of the term. Eros includes, but is not limited to,
physical expressions of lovemaking. In our culture, with its emphasis on the
romantic and the idea that “falling in love” is what begins a marriage. It is a dangerous matter when the romantic
process [physical attraction only] of falling in love is made the basic reason
for marrying and staying married. This view creates an impossible task to the
maturing majesty of marriage. It is this sort of love which is nearly always
meant when one states “I don’t love you
anymore.” Your spouse’s physical attraction apart from mutual intimacy and
spiritual oneness often leads to the immature ending of “I do love you anymore.”
The Bible view of love is exciting and
pleasurable over an entire life span. “Agape”
love is the highest form of love because it is sacrificial (I Cor. 13: 1-8). It
is ascribed in marriage in Ephesians 5: 20-33, and must be applied by the
Christian to all mankind in Gal. 6:10; I Peter 2:17. Try loving with the highest love. It is God’s
way and it works!
Glenn’s bio: Glenn
preaches and also serves as one of the elders for the Warner Robins church of
Christ in Warner Robins, GA. Glenn also serves as a staff member of the
Georgia School of Preaching & Biblical Studies Middle GA campus at Warner
Robins.
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