Tuesday, July 29, 2014

"I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE"

by Glenn I. Hitchcock

      The woman was divorced for three years. The marriage lasted for over a quarter of a century. One day the husband returned home, announced to his wife that he did not love her any more. The husband sued for divorce and promptly departed. It took all of less than fifteen minutes - barely half a minute for each year they had been married.
      In so many cases the key reason [excuse] given for ending a marriage is “I don’t love you anymore.” Or “I don’t have any feeling for you.” This excuse is regarded by many as adequate for a divorce court! Some of these marital tragedies occur in families that are already troubled. But a surprising number come in homes where the relationship between spouses was very favorable to happiness and longevity. But when “I don’t love you anymore” surfaces, the relationship often heads for a downward and selfish ending.
      It is extremely difficult to adequately express the tragedy of the “I don’t love you anymore” attitude.  When a spouse seeks to undo that which God has joined, it is viewed by God, regardless of society’s view, as a sinful tragedy (Mal. 2:16). Recall the words of the Lord Jesus “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matt. 19:6).
What Is Love?
Difficulty often results from a distorted definition of the word love. If we have a faulty understanding of the kind of love that makes a marriage we will end marriages for wrong and misunderstood reasons. There are several kinds of love. 
First, there is friendship. Hopefully, mates are rooted in friendship. Friendship should be a part of the drawing power that established the male and female.  But few marriages are made just because of friendship. And one can be certain that “I don’t love you anymore” does not mean “I am not your friend anymore.”
Affection is another form of love. As with friendship, affection was probably part of the reason a couple married and may remain part of the relationship. But affection is not the basic love which produces successful marriages.  “I don’t love you anymore” does not connote “I have no more affection for you.”
A third kind of love is “eros,” it is the root of the more familiar “erotic” love.  This concept includes romantic love. It is that attraction between man and woman which is sexual, in the largest sense of the term. Eros includes, but is not limited to, physical expressions of lovemaking. In our culture, with its emphasis on the romantic and the idea that “falling in love” is what begins a marriage.  It is a dangerous matter when the romantic process [physical attraction only] of falling in love is made the basic reason for marrying and staying married. This view creates an impossible task to the maturing majesty of marriage. It is this sort of love which is nearly always meant when one states “I don’t love you anymore.” Your spouse’s physical attraction apart from mutual intimacy and spiritual oneness often leads to the immature ending of “I do love you anymore.”
The Bible view of love is exciting and pleasurable over an entire life span. “Agape” love is the highest form of love because it is sacrificial (I Cor. 13: 1-8). It is ascribed in marriage in Ephesians 5: 20-33, and must be applied by the Christian to all mankind in Gal. 6:10; I Peter 2:17.  Try loving with the highest love. It is God’s way and it works!

Glenn’s bio: Glenn preaches and also serves as one of the elders for the Warner Robins church of Christ in Warner Robins, GA.  Glenn also serves as a staff member of the Georgia School of Preaching & Biblical Studies Middle GA campus at Warner Robins.

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